Tuks Res News

Pssst... 17 August 2015

Pssst… is very glad that Serenade is finally over. If Pssst… had to endure any more of the reses’ whining, Pssst… would have gone insane. Pssst…’s post-Oppikoppi babbelas didn’t really do much to help the situation.

Pssst… would have loved to be present when some of the reses decided what their Serenade themes would be. Like Jasmyn, for instance. Since when does Aphrodite carry a bow and arrows, Jasters? Perhaps you should ask Siri to fact-check your theme next year.

It’s guaranteed that every year at least one res will opt for a minimum wage theme, because for some obscure reason they think this will bring them Serenade success. As usual, Mopanie was more than willing to jump on the bandwagon. However, with Mopanie’s reputation, Pssst… would hide if Pssst… ever saw the Peppies walking into Checkers. Then again, they’d probably just buy all the chips, judging by how many bouncing bellies Pssst… had to witness during their Serenade.

Oh Lilium, what can Pssst… say? At least you’re consistent. Perhaps next year someone other than your Serenade HK will get a chance to sing during your performance. Pssst… isn’t even going to say anything about Lilium’s “street corner” theme, because Pssst… honestly isn’t even surprised. Keep it classy, Groenkloof.

Pssst… would like to know what Sonop’s obsession with beer is all about. First Rag, and now Serenade – is this a cry for help? Pssst… is surprised that Sonop didn’t just parade their Rag float around for the entire performance, if only to distract the crowd from their sad dance moves.

Curlitzia’s theme made Pssst… slightly uncomfortable. Pssst… doesn’t think it’s safe for people to entrust their lives to medical students who describe themselves as “cool and deadly”. If Curlitzia really are as “deadly” as they’d like to think, Pssst… would rather visit the campus doctors, thank you.

Kiaat, once again you have managed to outdo yourselves in terms of throwing your dignity away. Your theme’s description was so long that the only part of it Pssst… could catch was “fools”. Go figure.

Pssst… was once again baffled by Madelief’s theme choice. “Street dance crew”, honestly? Then again, the Knolle were so confident in their mediocre performance that Pssst… wonders whether it was them who were shooting the music video in front of Asterhof last Thursday?

Read more: Pssst... 17 August 2015

Pssst...03 August 2015

Pssst… is a little disappointed in the reses. It seems that everyone is so busy preparing for Oppikoppi that they totally forgot to embarrass themselves this week. Well, almost everyone.

Once again, it seems as if the Brakke from Taaibos are getting the short end of the stick this week, seeing as their Rag partners, Curlitzia, are far too busy being lovey-dovey with Boekenhout and having pub-crawls with Sonop to even notice them. Don’t worry Taaibos, Pssst… hears that Mopanie’s Rag partners, Magrietjie, have abandoned them too. Perhaps the two of you can use this opportunity to get to know each other better?

Speaking of the ladies in pink, a little birdie told Pssst… that Magrietjie’s semi week was more of a manhunt than anything else, if you catch Pssst…’s drift.

Pssst… would like to know what the motivation was for Zinnia to have a beauty pageant open only to their own res. Pssst… thinks that it’s probably a Groenkloof thing. At least they’re better than Lillium who hosted their pageant at Monate. Shame, at  least they had food to comfort them when no one attended. Maybe it was because your only entrants were your HK, Lillium.

On the topic of reses who apparently enjoy spending time with themselves, Pssst… finds it interesting that Klaradyn had a social with, well, Klaradyn. What’s wrong, Welpies? Are the other reses not good enough for you anymore? Or is it just that nobody else is keen to spend time with you?

Read more: Pssst...03 August 2015

Pssst... 27 July 2015

Despite the prevailing attitude of general gloom after the holidays, Pssst…, for one is ecstatic to be back on campus for a new semester that promises to be rife with res blunders.

Pssst… thinks it’s cute that all the reses are scrambling to host their respective events before the semester becomes too hectic. Pssst… doesn’t think it really matters, though, since no one attended these events before.

Speaking of events nobody cares about, Pssst… heard through the grapevine that Taaibos and Katjiepiering hosted a load-shedding (sorry, blackout) party that was the very definition of primary school disco. Katte, if you wanted an awkward experience, Pssst… is sure that Kiaat could have given you one for free.

Still on the topic of arbitrary res events, Pssst… hears that Curlitzia’s Around the World party was a real trip. If you know what Pssst… means.

Second semester also means that hunting season is now officially open, as first years from the ladies’ reses are being ontheffed in quick succession. However, this does not excuse Mopanie’s recent behaviour. It has come to Pssst…’s attention that there have been a lot of complaints about Mopanie lately. It seems as though their Peppies are so desperate for female attention that they have taken to cat-calling the ladies from Katjiepiering even more than usual (pun intended). Mopanie, Pssst… honestly thinks that if you still don’t know that cat-calling is reserved for perverts, the desperate and people looking to be slapped, you probably deserve whatever is coming your way.

Read more: Pssst... 27 July 2015

Pssst... 25 May 2015

Pssst… is, admittedly, a little sad. Mostly because the end of Serrie means that exam time is near, which also means that reses will be a little too quiet for Pssst…’s liking. Pssst… isn’t quite ready to let Serrie go yet, though, seeing as some reses are just dying for Pssst… to scrutinise them.


The only reses who still seem to be riding the Serrie wave are Magrietjie and Taaibos, who can’t seem to shut up about their respective wins, much to the irritation of those around them. Taaibos, Magrietjie, Pssst… has some advice for you: nobody likes a sore winner.

Read more: Pssst... 25 May 2015

Pssst…18 May 2015

Serrie season has come and gone, but Pssst… isn’t about to let the hype train pass without hopping on board. Pssst… has compiled a bumper edition of serrie shenanigans for all you gossip kings and queens.

Pssst… would like to start off with a few dishonourable mentions. Sonop, you had one job. Everyone was looking forward to you disappointing in finals, and you don’t even have the decency to make it. Pssst… wasn’t surprised to see a few ladies crying in the piazza after the serrie finalists were announced. Pssst… isn’t pointing any fingers, of course, so your secret’s safe with us, Erika.

For most reses, serrie prelims were disastrous, as usual. Pssst… would say that Asterhof had a rubbish theme, but that’s just trash talk. Madelief, Pssst… would like to know one thing from you: what were you thinking? If you’re going to base your theme on a popular film franchise, at least have the decency not to underestimate the audience’s intelligence. On that note, Pssst… would like to know exactly what/who the Knolle’s band were supposed to be – Star Wars characters or members of Daft Punk? A little bit of midriff-flashing will only get you so far, Madelief. Speaking of underestimating the audience’s intelligence: you know nothing, Jasmyn.

Pssst… would say something about Klaradyn’s serrie, but Pssst… honestly can’t remember their performance. Like, at all. Pssst… thinks that Inca’s comeback was more like coming out – not that Pssst… is judging you or anything, Inca. Pssst… has been accused of slut-shaming recently, you see. But what most people don’t understand is that Pssst… doesn’t need to shame anyone – they do that perfectly well all by themselves.

Read more: Pssst…18 May 2015

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