Tuks Res News

Pssst... First-years edition 2016

New year, new me? No such luck. Pssst… is back and, quite frankly, the anticipation of what’s to come with a brand new batch of first-years has Pssst… waiting with bated breath.

Maybe Madelief will be able to keep their hands on their jottirs instead of all over the Kollege boys this semester? Maybe the gentlemen (cavemen?) of Boekenhout will give washing their indisposed headwear a try? Maybe Klaradyn will stop being the last to leave the jol? Pssst… can only hope.

Speaking of hands, Pssst… suggests that Mopanie keep their hands off the pies and on their bikes in 2016. C is for cardio, not Cornish pasty. Pssst… recommends the same advice for the ladies of Asterhof, although Pssst… understands that living on the doorstep of Dominos pizza can’t be easy. Pssst… recommends that Asterhof watch their backs as much as their fronts, or else Erika will be back on the trouvrou (and anti-feminism) bandwagon faster than you can order another handful of Cinnastix.

In keeping with affairs of the heart, it seems as though the only cardio Katjiepiering is getting comes in the form of chasing after any attention from Olympus. Rag partners? Try sad partners. Take a lesson from the ladies of Lillium and leave those men behind. Oh wait, scratch that, Taaibos left Lillium. Even worse, Pssst… hears it was for Kiaat. At least they’re advocating for LGBTI rights.

Pssst… has high hopes for the ladies of Jasmyn. Will you attempt to outshine Tuks Village this year so that Village will claim your space as the unwelcome neighbour at the Proefplaas party? Pssst… hopes so.

Read more: Pssst... First-years edition 2016

Psst... 19 October 2015

Pssst… has been away for far too long, and Pssst… thinks it’s time that the safety blanket is lifted off the fragile res-dwellers.

Pssst… would like to ring in the new quarter with a question for Erika: have you all gone insane? From prancing around on campus with brooms between their legs, to arriving at the Perdeby office with purple paint all over their arms and legs, to asking poor, unsuspecting students how to ride a unicorn, Pssst… thinks that the Erika ladies have finally lost it. Erika, Pssst… will tell you how to ride a unicorn: you don’t, because it is a mythical creature that doesn’t exist – much like your dignity.

Read more: Psst... 19 October 2015

Pssst... 14 September 2015

It’s been an interesting week in res circles. At least, it was interesting for the reses, but not really for Pssst…. Besides the normal debauchery, Pssst… hears that Boekenhout had to find an actual reason to make unlimited punch, because if you start brewing punch for no reason, that apparently counts as alcoholism. Pssst… would also like to know how the Ysters managed to make a punch so expensive that it could pay for an underprivileged student’s studies.

Besides this, most of the reses kept themselves busy with their zef divorces these past few weeks. Pssst… is sure that some reses are happier to be rid of their partners than others. In the spirit of spring and new beginnings, Pssst… has decided to compile a list of breakup songs for the (ex) Rag couples of 2015. 

Read more: Pssst... 14 September 2015

Pssst... 7 September 2015

There has been so much happening on campus this past week that Pssst… has honestly been struggling to keep up. Too bad that the residences had almost nothing to do with all the exciting campus activity. Then again, what’s new?

The most exciting thing that happened last week were Mopanie and Boekenhout’s respective res rugby league wins. And by exciting, Pssst… means that nobody cares.

Zoep Week will be starting soon, and Pssst… wonders what the new year will bring for the reses, as there will be some interesting Rag partnerships in 2016.

Pssst… wonders how Tuks Naledi and Curlitzia will handle the Mamelodi-Prinshof logistics in order to make their Rag partnership work. Pssst… isn’t sure that Sonop will be as willing to help Curlitzia with their float predicaments as they were to help Nerina.

Speaking of Nerina, perhaps now Kollege will finally be happy with their new Rag partners. Kollege can’t deny that, despite a few exceptions (Katjiepiering and Jasmyn), Kollege definitely has a thing for Nerina.

Read more: Pssst... 7 September 2015

Pssst… 31 August 2015

It’s been a while since Pssst… has been able to share the latest res news with you, and frankly, Pssst… was exhausted after last edition’s gossip marathon. Fortunately for all the scandal addicts, Pssst… lives to serve.

It seems as if some of the reses just aren’t ready to let their Serenade failures go quite yet, and Pssst… heard that there were some complaints about Pssst…’s comments from reses who shall remain unnamed (Katjiepiering, Luminous, Inca). Honestly, Pssst… is sorry. That is, Pssst… is sorry that you are too oversensitive to handle Pssst…’s obviously serious and completely non-satirical opinions (you didn’t think Pssst… was actually going to apologise, did you?)

Pssst… thinks it’s quite sad that the only people who are still angry that Inca didn’t win Serenade are Inca, but what’s even sadder is that Luminous are genuinely angry that their Serenade group didn’t make finals. Pssst… doesn’t even need to point out the joke here, Luminous.

Apparently, Curlitzia are also disappointed that their Serenade group didn’t bring them the success they’ve become so accustomed to. Curlitzia, Pssst… thinks you should see this as an honest representation of what your res is truly capable of, which apparently isn’t much. Perhaps now the Kloekies will finally see that buying songs (and the judges) won’t buy them a guaranteed win. At least you have your Serrie and Rag successes to fall back on. Oh, wait.

Read more: Pssst… 31 August 2015

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