Psst... 19 October 2015

Pssst… has been away for far too long, and Pssst… thinks it’s time that the safety blanket is lifted off the fragile res-dwellers.

Pssst… would like to ring in the new quarter with a question for Erika: have you all gone insane? From prancing around on campus with brooms between their legs, to arriving at the Perdeby office with purple paint all over their arms and legs, to asking poor, unsuspecting students how to ride a unicorn, Pssst… thinks that the Erika ladies have finally lost it. Erika, Pssst… will tell you how to ride a unicorn: you don’t, because it is a mythical creature that doesn’t exist – much like your dignity.

Read more: Psst... 19 October 2015

Pssst... 14 September 2015

It’s been an interesting week in res circles. At least, it was interesting for the reses, but not really for Pssst…. Besides the normal debauchery, Pssst… hears that Boekenhout had to find an actual reason to make unlimited punch, because if you start brewing punch for no reason, that apparently counts as alcoholism. Pssst… would also like to know how the Ysters managed to make a punch so expensive that it could pay for an underprivileged student’s studies.

Besides this, most of the reses kept themselves busy with their zef divorces these past few weeks. Pssst… is sure that some reses are happier to be rid of their partners than others. In the spirit of spring and new beginnings, Pssst… has decided to compile a list of breakup songs for the (ex) Rag couples of 2015. 

Read more: Pssst... 14 September 2015

Pssst… 31 August 2015

It’s been a while since Pssst… has been able to share the latest res news with you, and frankly, Pssst… was exhausted after last edition’s gossip marathon. Fortunately for all the scandal addicts, Pssst… lives to serve.

It seems as if some of the reses just aren’t ready to let their Serenade failures go quite yet, and Pssst… heard that there were some complaints about Pssst…’s comments from reses who shall remain unnamed (Katjiepiering, Luminous, Inca). Honestly, Pssst… is sorry. That is, Pssst… is sorry that you are too oversensitive to handle Pssst…’s obviously serious and completely non-satirical opinions (you didn’t think Pssst… was actually going to apologise, did you?)

Pssst… thinks it’s quite sad that the only people who are still angry that Inca didn’t win Serenade are Inca, but what’s even sadder is that Luminous are genuinely angry that their Serenade group didn’t make finals. Pssst… doesn’t even need to point out the joke here, Luminous.

Apparently, Curlitzia are also disappointed that their Serenade group didn’t bring them the success they’ve become so accustomed to. Curlitzia, Pssst… thinks you should see this as an honest representation of what your res is truly capable of, which apparently isn’t much. Perhaps now the Kloekies will finally see that buying songs (and the judges) won’t buy them a guaranteed win. At least you have your Serrie and Rag successes to fall back on. Oh, wait.

Read more: Pssst… 31 August 2015

Pssst... 7 September 2015

There has been so much happening on campus this past week that Pssst… has honestly been struggling to keep up. Too bad that the residences had almost nothing to do with all the exciting campus activity. Then again, what’s new?

The most exciting thing that happened last week were Mopanie and Boekenhout’s respective res rugby league wins. And by exciting, Pssst… means that nobody cares.

Zoep Week will be starting soon, and Pssst… wonders what the new year will bring for the reses, as there will be some interesting Rag partnerships in 2016.

Pssst… wonders how Tuks Naledi and Curlitzia will handle the Mamelodi-Prinshof logistics in order to make their Rag partnership work. Pssst… isn’t sure that Sonop will be as willing to help Curlitzia with their float predicaments as they were to help Nerina.

Speaking of Nerina, perhaps now Kollege will finally be happy with their new Rag partners. Kollege can’t deny that, despite a few exceptions (Katjiepiering and Jasmyn), Kollege definitely has a thing for Nerina.

Read more: Pssst... 7 September 2015

Pssst... 17 August 2015

Pssst… is very glad that Serenade is finally over. If Pssst… had to endure any more of the reses’ whining, Pssst… would have gone insane. Pssst…’s post-Oppikoppi babbelas didn’t really do much to help the situation.

Pssst… would have loved to be present when some of the reses decided what their Serenade themes would be. Like Jasmyn, for instance. Since when does Aphrodite carry a bow and arrows, Jasters? Perhaps you should ask Siri to fact-check your theme next year.

It’s guaranteed that every year at least one res will opt for a minimum wage theme, because for some obscure reason they think this will bring them Serenade success. As usual, Mopanie was more than willing to jump on the bandwagon. However, with Mopanie’s reputation, Pssst… would hide if Pssst… ever saw the Peppies walking into Checkers. Then again, they’d probably just buy all the chips, judging by how many bouncing bellies Pssst… had to witness during their Serenade.

Oh Lilium, what can Pssst… say? At least you’re consistent. Perhaps next year someone other than your Serenade HK will get a chance to sing during your performance. Pssst… isn’t even going to say anything about Lilium’s “street corner” theme, because Pssst… honestly isn’t even surprised. Keep it classy, Groenkloof.

Pssst… would like to know what Sonop’s obsession with beer is all about. First Rag, and now Serenade – is this a cry for help? Pssst… is surprised that Sonop didn’t just parade their Rag float around for the entire performance, if only to distract the crowd from their sad dance moves.

Curlitzia’s theme made Pssst… slightly uncomfortable. Pssst… doesn’t think it’s safe for people to entrust their lives to medical students who describe themselves as “cool and deadly”. If Curlitzia really are as “deadly” as they’d like to think, Pssst… would rather visit the campus doctors, thank you.

Kiaat, once again you have managed to outdo yourselves in terms of throwing your dignity away. Your theme’s description was so long that the only part of it Pssst… could catch was “fools”. Go figure.

Pssst… was once again baffled by Madelief’s theme choice. “Street dance crew”, honestly? Then again, the Knolle were so confident in their mediocre performance that Pssst… wonders whether it was them who were shooting the music video in front of Asterhof last Thursday?

Read more: Pssst... 17 August 2015

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