Pssst... 7 March 2016

Pssst… was in an absolute flat spin last week. With a mass exodus happening at reses due to the lack of food at res dining halls, Pssst… was afraid there’d be nothing to write about. Fortunately, res-dwellers somehow never fail to disappoint, and there was more than enough gossip to go around.

Pssst… didn’t even need to consider attending Curlitzia and Mopanie’s Shavathon, since Pssst… was too busy tearing Pssst…’s hair out at how uninterested the Kloekies seemed in the whole event. Relationships are a two-way street, Curlitzia, and events won’t run on ego alone.

If Pssst… had a heart, Pssst… would probably feel sorry for Magrietjie and Olienhout for the poor turnout at their “Beaches of Dubai” event. Kiddie pools and volleyball might have been enough to convince the small-minded Houte to join the party, but a little birdie told Pssst… that the Magrietjie girls were bored out of their skulls, since this was really just an excuse for Olienhout to coax the ladies into an unwitting wet t-shirt contest.

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Pssst... 29 February 2016

Pssst… has been away for far too long, although Pssst… can’t say that much has happened in Pssst…’s absence.

Pssst… wasn’t at all surprised to hear that the annual Miss Kollege event soon devolved into Miss Carnage, as girls were apparently falling all over the catwalk – whether this was due to stage fright or inebriation, Pssst… can’t really tell. Pssst… was even less surprised to hear of the Klaradyn first-year parading around in her less-than-modest dress well after the event had ended. It’s okay, Welpies, Pssst… will see you on the tables at Aandklas next Thursday.

Erika and Vividus Men must think they’re hot stuff for winning Valentine’s netball this year. Pssst… has some harsh news for you, however. On an earth that is slowly falling into the black hole at the centre of the Milky Way, such petty achievements mean nothing.

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Pssst... 1 February 2016

Even though Ienkmelodienk is thoroughly (and thankfully) behind us, Pssst… was still there to witness all the, uhm... “performances”, and Pssst… is as ready as ever to comment on them.
Oh, Katjiepiering, had your Skerwe but kept their Ienk masks on to save them the embarrassment of showing their faces in public after that disastrous performance. Honestly Katjie, Pssst… was more entertained by the drunk Olienhout ex-HK sitting behind Pssst… than by your dancing.
Pssst… is surprised that Lilium placed fourth. Pssst… thinks it’s really creative that Lilium chose a theme that so perfectly reflects their res: female prison. As for Taaibos, Pssst… is pretty sure they’ve never seen what a real sumo wrestler looks like. It’s called the internet, Taaibos. You know, that place where you go to look at … never mind.

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Pssst... 08 February 2016

Now that the ratchet behaviour of Rag has subsided for the next while, Pssstwould like to ask that we focus on Rag projects as opposed to making charity cases out of each other. That’s right. Pssst… is looking at the Vremies.

Pssstrecommends that the Welpies bin their membership cards for Tennessee immediately. Pssst… is pretty sure the floors of those bathrooms have had enough of you by now. Speaking of being exhausted by relentless behaviour, how about Magrietjie give Maroela a rest for a bit? Or, at least until it’s safe to expose your neck to the world without the use of a decorative scarf. Pssstwould like to remind Maroela that it is the middle of summer and we all know what’s under that scarf.

Boekenhout has definitely been very quiet post-Rag, but Pssstthinks that maybe we just can’t hear them from all the way down at eighth place. Say “hi” to Erika for us, Boekenhout, or are they still nursing their ninth place burns? 2016 is off to a good start in terms of deflating misplaced egos.

However, a pity-pat on the back for a purring Katjiepiering is due, because fifth place is probably nice and comfortable when your float theme was about being lazy. Well done Katjie, you deserve a consolation nap.

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Pssst... First-years edition 2016

New year, new me? No such luck. Pssst… is back and, quite frankly, the anticipation of what’s to come with a brand new batch of first-years has Pssst… waiting with bated breath.

Maybe Madelief will be able to keep their hands on their jottirs instead of all over the Kollege boys this semester? Maybe the gentlemen (cavemen?) of Boekenhout will give washing their indisposed headwear a try? Maybe Klaradyn will stop being the last to leave the jol? Pssst… can only hope.

Speaking of hands, Pssst… suggests that Mopanie keep their hands off the pies and on their bikes in 2016. C is for cardio, not Cornish pasty. Pssst… recommends the same advice for the ladies of Asterhof, although Pssst… understands that living on the doorstep of Dominos pizza can’t be easy. Pssst… recommends that Asterhof watch their backs as much as their fronts, or else Erika will be back on the trouvrou (and anti-feminism) bandwagon faster than you can order another handful of Cinnastix.

In keeping with affairs of the heart, it seems as though the only cardio Katjiepiering is getting comes in the form of chasing after any attention from Olympus. Rag partners? Try sad partners. Take a lesson from the ladies of Lillium and leave those men behind. Oh wait, scratch that, Taaibos left Lillium. Even worse, Pssst… hears it was for Kiaat. At least they’re advocating for LGBTI rights.

Pssst… has high hopes for the ladies of Jasmyn. Will you attempt to outshine Tuks Village this year so that Village will claim your space as the unwelcome neighbour at the Proefplaas party? Pssst… hopes so.

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