Pssst... 6 February 2017

It is that time of the year again, where the first-years from each res belt out some songs and try to coordinate boy band moves. That is presumably why Ienkmelodienk was renamed 1nsync. Pssst... attended this year’s 1nsync to give some constructive criticism.

Pssst... would like to console the defending champions Boekenhout and Magrietjie. 1nsync had some really good performances, your performances were not included in those. It is quite ironic that the Ysters had a barbershop theme but lacked good haircuts. Just because you do not live at home anymore does not mean you should look like a you’ve been stranded on an island for a year. The Spikkels’ theme, Meskom, made Pssst... wish the power really would go off to kill their performance.

The only thing worse than the Welpies’ awful puns was that their theme was called “Bae Watch”. Pssst... now understands why Klaradyn has a hard time finding anyone who wants to be their “bae”.

The Pssst… award for the worst theme definitely goes to the Nergies from Vividus Men. In no world would the Bloods and Crips have a dance battle.

Kollege showed up scantily clad and barely coherent and shocked every man, woman and child in the audience with their vulgar moves. Pssst... was almost snow blinded.

Pssst... feels bad for the Kloekies from Curlitzia and would also wear gloves when handling Kollege at Rag this year for fear of picking up some disease. Pssst… thinks that maybe the Kloekies should have taken their orchestra on the road so that Pssst... did not have to sit through it.

The most forgettable performances were Katjiepiering, Inca and Jasmyn. Pssst... won’t bore you with the details, but their performances included the Skerwe as weather girls, very intense Bugsters and the Slurpies telling the audience that they do not even care what men study, they are keen for any man.

A much deserved win goes to the Peppies from Mopanie for their not-at-all racist theme, Mexican workers at a Trump hotel. Pssst... was shocked that Mopanie could come up with such a complex theme after their very unoriginal Wimbledon theme of 2016.

The eerie ode to Titanic in Nerina’s winning performance made Pssst... jealous of the people on the boat as Pssst... sat through another “I’m a survivor” rendition.

Pssst... has nothing bad to say to Zinnia. The Pixies really did their best with Curlitzia’s moves from Serrie 2016.

Olienhout proposed to their Rag partners, Erika, in a soppy and corny Wedding Crashers themed 1nsync that made Pssst... nauseas. Just a friendly suggestion from Pssst... to Erika, decline the proposal. The only good thing about the Ienks from Erika’s performance was when they were frozen in the beginning. Pssst... really wished that they stayed that way.

Vividus ladies gave some dating advice that Pssst... found both useless and not relevant. Much like a day res.

Pssst... feels bad for the Geitjies from Lilium. Pssst... would also wear a sullen expression if Pssst... had to wear a bin bag.

Pssst... would like to applaud Sonop for showcasing just how culturally diverse they are. Pssst... really hopes that you will be able to partake in Serrie and Ser now that you are just oh-so inclusive.

Maroela really pulled out no stops at all with their flower power theme that makes Pssst... wonder if herbs weren’t involved in the choreographing of that 1nsync. Maroela’s Rag counter parts, Asterhof, told the audience a melodramatic tale of a working class hero. The rest of Asterhof took all the attention away from the poor Sterretjies by jumping up on chairs and performing the 1nsync with them. Calm down Asters, you had your turn.

Pssst... could feel the hostility in the air between Madelief and Olympus. The men’s res cheered harder for the Kloekies than for the Knolle. It makes Pssst... wonder if Madelief went with an air hostess theme as an extended metaphor for needing to escape the creepy Kuikens and their neighbourhood watch.

The shock of the evening was that Kiaat outshone Taaibos. Maybe if the Brakke spent more time practicing 1nsync than chanting they might get somewhere. Pssst... would sincerely like to thank the Cubs from Kiaat for ruining The Lion King for everyone.

Pssst... will be around soon with more juicy res gossip. In the meantime, you can get over your 1sync loss by bringing others down, by sending your tips to This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it. .

See you laters, haters!

 

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