Pssst... 09 May 2016

Pssst… is thoroughly Pssst…-off this week. Honestly, Pssst… is almost glad the EFF wants to take on all these lowlifes that call themselves residences. Not only did the bottom-feeders at OP dare to call Pssst… lazy (at least Pssst…’s hair doesn’t reek of horse faeces 24/7), but the killjoys at Asterhof apparently think Pssst… isn’t “shady” enough anymore. If this is what the Asters really think, Pssst… hopes they know that winter is coming.

Then, a Peppie dared to ask Pssst… whether Pssst… was mistaking Mopanie’s 02:00 “parties” for serrie practice. Listen sweetie, Pssst… knows that a Mopanie serrie practice sounds like a bunch of soon-to-be ex-engineering students butchering the English language, and that a Mopanie “party” sounds like an oxymoron.

Also, why did nobody tell Pssst… that Mopanie has been converted to a female res? Pssst… knows this must be true, because that is the best explanation Pssst… can think of for all the ladies spotted around Mopanie at unholy hours.

As for Erika, Pssst… has seen the new statue in front of their res and Pssst… thinks it’s really dignified. Pssst… isn’t sure why the donkey has a horn on its head, though. Pssst… hopes you can get a refund for that.

Pssst… hears that Katjiepiering’s first years have zero interest in participating in serrie. Oh dear, could this be because the Skerwe know better than to embarrass themselves after Katjie’s disastrous ienkmelodienk? Wait, Pssst… is giving them way too much credit – everyone knows the Skerwe aren’t that smart.

Pssst… wonders if Jasmyn could literally be trying any harder to score free Oesdag tickets. Pssst… knows the Jasters are notorious for being desperate (they had an actual themed social with Kollege to try and hide the fact that they were all really just there for drinks and debauchery), but Pssst… didn’t know it was this bad.

How cute is it that Taaibos tried to prove that they’re still relevant by having the most half-baked event ever with Magrietjie? Not even the ladies from Klaradyn went, and they’ll attend literally any event where they have the opportunity to get even slightly tipsy.

As Pssst… predicted, the Vividus Men and Vividus Ladies house camp was a hot mess. Not to mention those awful Deadpool wife-beaters – go back to Jo’burg, Vividus, or maybe, if you’d prefer being part of an actual residence, Pssst… is sure the boytjies from Boe(t)enhout are more than willing to take you in, since their Ysters have been cultivating some serious beer guts lately.

Maroela has been abducted by aliens, apparently, since they have disappeared from campus completely. Pssst… hopes they resurface after serrie (assuming they aren’t too embarrassed after their inevitable disaster performances). Meanwhile, Sonop is avoiding embarrassment by withdrawing from serrie completely. With serrie season on our doorstep, Pssst… is sure you have tons of res gossip to send to pssst@ Go on, you know you want to. your social media marketing partner

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